The Silly Alchemist

“Yeah, right.”

“...Don’t expose me like that...”

“Alright, I won’t expose you. You burnt it on purpose specifically to get this flavour. Alright?”

“Mmm.”

“...”

Both of them sat relaxed under the bright moonlight, on a tree. If someone had seen this, they’d think there was an other-worldly beauty to this night.

However, the two people involved did not admire the beauty at all but were having a conversation that cruelly ruined the tranquillity of the night.

Ye Lang and Coldblood Five didn’t have much in common hence they only talked about murder. He taught her everything he knew so she could kill people more stealthily.

“Didn’t you mention Li Yue liked to admire the moon? Why not take this opportunity to enjoy the night sky with her?” Coldblood Five recalled suddenly.

Although she liked sitting with Ye Lang like this, the mission was more important.

“She likes this, yes, but she’s already in her tent. I’m sure I won’t be as comfortable sitting with her as I am with you too...” said Ye Lang.

“You still have to go even if you’re uncomfortable with her. Too bad you’re now trying to date her.” Coldblood Five did not care, nor did she ask why he felt comfortable with her. All she wanted was for him to quickly complete the mission.

In reality, she secretly hoped for the mission to end sooner so she didn’t have to follow Ye Lang around while he was with Li Yue.

She didn’t know why she felt a little uncomfortable whenever she saw them together. She was a cold-blooded murderer, she had never experienced such emotion in her life.

“Little Five, look! A broom star...”

“...”

A shooting star with a long tail shot across the night sky. It was such a rare opportunity to see such a huge shooting star too.

A beautiful, memorable moment had just been ruined because he called it a ‘broom’.

[Note: the Chinese call shooting stars, ‘broom stars’ because they’re long and also thought to be unlucky.]

“Can’t you give it a better name? It’s such a pretty thing and you ruin it with an awful name.” Coldblood Five extended a hand to his waist, then pinched.

Oh, a better name...

“Little Five, look, it’s a pretty broom star...”

“...”

Was there a difference?

Later into the night, Ye Lang actually suggested having supper. Coldblood Five was exasperated, though she had no choice but to agree or he would never let her sleep.

“What supper?”

“Beggar’s chicken!”

In the afternoon, they’d hunted a few wild chickens. Ye Lang considered the possibility of burning the chicken if they roasted it so he suggested cooking Beggar’s chicken instead. All he had to do was bury it and it’d cook.

[Note: Beggar’s chicken: a hole in the ground is lit on fire, then a stuffed chicken wrapped in leaves and packed clay/mud around it is buried.]

“Just like that?” asked Coldblood Five when she saw him throw the clay-packed chicken into the fire. She’d never seen such a thing.

“Yep, just like that.” Ye Lang nodded.

“Are you sure it’ll be edible?” she was wary.

“I think so.” Ye Lang wasn’t sure either, this was his first time.

“You think so? Don’t you know how to cook it?” her brows were slightly furrowed.

Ye Lang snapped a branch in half and threw it into the fire, at the same time speaking in a nonchalant tone, “Nope, this is my first time. But I’m sure I’m doing it right.”

“Why didn’t you say earlier? I could’ve made supper instead, oh my goodness,” she whined.

Upon her reminder, he finally remembered something... “Ah, right! You’re a cook, like Fatty! Fuck, I forgot. I’ll let you cook supper tomorrow night...”

“Tomorrow night? What about tonight?”

“We’re having Beggar’s chicken tonight.”

“...”

Are you sure this will work?

She didn’t ask him because he would say yes. Then again, with Ye Lang’s luck, it shouldn’t be too bad. It’d still be edible.

Just like the burnt rabbit from dinner, it would still be alright...

And just like that, two people were sat around a fire once again. This time, Ye Lang sat closer to Coldblood Five. When she asked him what he was doing, he said...

“We’ll be warmer like this. I don’t want you catching a cold.”

“I’m not cold.”

“I am.”

“...”

This isn’t too bad, you’re right, it is warmer like that. Coldblood Five leaned on Ye Lang, staring far, far ahead...

“Little Five,” said Ye Lang suddenly.

“?”

“Do you think Athena’s plan will involve the hero and the damsel in distress trope?”

“Perhaps. This trope usually leaves a deep impression with girls. But this is Li Yue, it’ll be difficult to find an opportunity for this,” said Coldblood Five.

“Oh, nevermind then.” Ye Lang continued stoking the fire with a stick.

“Nevermind what?” Coldblood Five was curious.

“I felt something a few moments ago. I think there’s someone approaching Li Yue now,” said Ye Lang calmly.

“What?” Coldblood Five was stunned for a moment. “You’re telling me someone’s there? And you asked me because of that?”

“Yeah, I think since ten minutes ago,” replied Ye Lang as if it was nothing.

“...” Coldblood Five fell silent. Ten minutes ago? Why didn’t you say anything?

“Why didn’t you say earlier?”

“I didn’t know they were looking for Li Yue. It isn’t odd for people to be here, it’s a group hunt.”

“Then how are you sure now?”

“They are now very near Li Yue’s tent, someone even entered her tent...” Ye Lang didn’t look like he intended to do anything about it.

“...”

“You idiot, go check! It doesn’t matter if it’s part of Athena’s plan, you should still go check!” she said immediately, pulling him up.

If it were Athena’s plan, then as the main character, of course he had to be there! The main characters had to be present for the love story to be written...

And if it wasn’t, then all the more reason for him to appear! It might result in an actual hero and damsel in distress scenario.

“Let’s eat supper first...” Ye Lang dug up a few balls of mud, about to crack them open for the chicken inside.

“Leave it, just go!” Coldblood Five smacked him then stepped into the shadows, hurrying towards Li Yue’s tent.

Ye Lang had no choice but to grab a few pieces and started to head towards Li Yue.

Back at Li Yue’s tent, the moment someone felt their way into the tent, Li Yue had already unsheathed her sword. She slashed at the intruder, though it wasn’t a forceful one but more to chase the intruder out.

At that point, she thought the intruder was Ye Lang and cursed silently. I can’t believe how shameless this guy is! He definitely forgot his tent on purpose so he can slip into mine in the middle of the night...