Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

The Emperor was enraged. In a single night, he demoted 37 high nobles and stripped the position of over 200 high-ranking military officials in three armies and put them into interrogation. The crosses used to hang those guilty rose from the ground by the river, extending for several miles. This day became known in history as the ‘Bloody Night of the White Whales’.

On the same day, the Auland 3rd Fleet which was stationed on the upper river from the capital Kagersi City and the Auland 1st Fleet which was stationed on the lower river arrived in the capital on the same day and began to surround and eliminate the White Whale Tribe.

On the very same day, the Hermit River which was praised as the ‘Flowing Chrysoprase’ was dyed blood-red. The blast of the cannons and the sound of slaughter shook the heavens. The various districts of the capital became a battlefield.

Pincered by 2 great fleets, they held advantage at the start of the battle. But, when the SemiGod Sea Dragon Hydra and innumerable Seafolks and Sea Monsters joined the battle, the Auland Empire Guardian Hero ‘Dragon Hunter’ Deimos got killed in battle while the Empire Advisor ‘Blood Mage Emperor’ Marsolit was heavily wounded. The half of the 2nd Fleet was wiped out while the 1st Fleet was completely annihilated.

During the war, the Sea Monsters cooperated and exerted their powers together, causing the water level to rise and the Pier District, Bacteria District and a few other districts of Kagersi City were submerged under water. As large amount of Water Elementals came to shore, rainwater continued to pour down as the war gradually stalls into a stalemate.

Two weeks later, ten cities that were close to the sea or by a river got assaulted. Sorolan City and numerous other cities fell in a single day. Of which, the Sorolan City was invaded by the Blood Shark Tribe, which comprise man-eating Fishmen, resulting in the entire city getting purged.

Symbolised by the Blood Night of White Whales, the horns of the eternal Sacred War is blown on once again. Led by the Water Elemental Goddess Aylos and the Malevolent Goddess Queen of Storms, the Seafolks who came to shore became the vanguards of this war and the Chaos Faction rises up once again.

Due to a letter from Princess Reyne, the Auland Empire managed to avoid being cornered into a desperate situation from a sudden invasion. Thankful to the East Mist Communal Country and Princess Reyne, the Emperor declared ‘The East Mist Communal Country will forever be a brother nation to the Auland Empire’, and proposed to Princess Reyne in front of a crowd once again. But, due to the current chaos, Princess Reyne once again rejected the proposal of the Emperor under the pretext of being worried for her country.

But privately, there were already rumors on the streets that Princess Reyne furiously reprimanded Darsos for being ridiculous and threw two red-colored high heels towards him, hitting both the Emperor himself and his Finance Minister Hermit. It is said that Hermit fainted on the spot and the situation turned chaotic.

“Being bugged by such matters when your country has fallen knee deep into such trouble, I have never seen such an idiotic Emperor. I have already said that I am uninterested in men. You want to marry me? Impossible, unless you find an Edwina’s Belt and come to me in a skirt.”

In the eyes of those who are aware, this move of Darsos’s is indeed very crafty. By proclaiming that the East Mist is a ‘brother nation’, they were able to directly take the East Mist Communal Country out of the list of vassal states. As rumors and gossips started to spread, as the shadows of war creep closer, as rows of people are hung on crosses, as a large amount of those opposing Darsos land in jail, his bad reputation is no longer of importance. As long as he is able to lead his people out of this period of turmoil, he would be able to unite the country even more strongly than any of those fleeting titles could.

Although the public evaluation of the Emperor is generally negative, the Princess of the small country who entranced the Emperor to the point he loses his prestige and rationality has become the hottest topic recently. Praises of her beauty and straightforward personality spread far and wide that she became reputed as the ‘The Pure Snow Lotus of the High Mountains’.

It is said that despite looking pure and young, she has a certain charm that the Emperor is exceptionally attracted to.

At this moment, hearing the rumors that his companions have collected, that flower is on the verge of murdering someone.

“Lotus of the High Mountains? Darsos, you sure know how make people owe you conveniently. Using me to divert the attention of the public? This old man will remember this grudge. Make sure not to display any weakness for me to exploit.”

At this moment, I didn’t have the time to wallow in my resentment. There are many responsibilities here and there that I had to take care of.

After receiving the news, Darsos investigated the authenticity of the news before waiting patiently for an opportunity to make use this topic to ‘explode’ and get rid of those opposing him to solidify his authority. This is still within my expectations.

Afterwards, Darsos, using repaying the favour as an excuse, proclaims the East Mist as a brother nation, pulling the agreement on providing resources and assistance to the surface, thus hastening the progress of the fulfilment of the contract. Very quickly, when he fully fulfils the terms of the agreement, I would have to pass the key on to him. If I don’t speed up the progress, then my efforts would be for naught.

After all, this is the capital of the Auland Empire. Even if they have met with some trouble, no one thinks that the Auland Empire would actually lose.

That dragon may be powerful, but it isn’t invincible. As the trusted subordinate of the Malevolent Goddess Queen of Storms, it heading out to the battlefield also signifies the Malevolent Chaos Gods officially stepping into the battlefield. With top tier powers, its ability to pull aggression is also top class. It is very possible that some Dragon-Slaying God Envoy of some true God is already on their way down.

However, the reason why Darsos hastened the fulfilment of the agreement is probably because he still holds some expectations for the things in the secret base. If an Air Fleet were to suddenly charge out from the bottom of the river, it would change the flow of the entire battle. Of course, he has also prepared himself for the scenario that he might walk out empty-handed from the secret base as well.

As for me, if I don’t want to end up empty-handed, then I must really quicken my pace.

“Have you found Tracy?”

While reorganising our forces for battle, the disappearance of the Siren caused quite a hassle for us.

“She suddenly returned to the circus with a box in her hands. There is a special seal on top of it. Judging from the mark of a shield and longsword crossing one another, an insignia of a guardian, it is probably the insignia of some royalty.”

The insignia of royalty? Most probably, this is the stolen tribute. Harloys and I look at each other with a smile on our face. It seems that we have found out target. Our patient surveillance has finally reaped its rewards and it is time to reel in the hooks of our fishing rods.

“Sidunwar’s Ocean Bottle, a legendary God Equipment of the ancient Sea God. It is said that in ancient times, it could stir endless tsunamis. Even though it has lost a large portion of its powers after the death of the ancient God, if it were to land in the hands of the Queen of Storms and Sidunwar’s wife, the Ancient Water Elemental Goddess, there is a chance it might regain its God Powers.”

After finding out that the stolen tribute was such a treasure, the moment we received intelligence from a Son of Greed that the Siren is looking for the stolen ‘tribute’, we immediately came to a ‘realisation’.

“Regardless of why she revealed the secrets of the Seafolks, as long as Tracy manages to find the God Equipment, we must prevent it from returning to the sea by all means!”

Solo Federation’s tribute (congratulatory gift) was stolen by the Celestial Tower. Given Tracy’s previous relationship with the Celestial Tower, if she had kept a lookout for it, she would definitely know where the lost tribute is. Based on our estimates, now that the members of the Celestial Tower are reduced to fugitives, she is probably the only one who can find the tribute now.

Thus, the moment Tracy returns back to her own tent in the circus, uninvited guests came knocking at her door.

“Open the door! We are here to check the water meter. What? You didn’t install water meter? Then we are here to deliver water to your doorstep! Forget it. You don’t have to open the door. Your family will never need to open the door ever again.”

Alright, when a Legend Holy Knight raises her sacred sword and charges forth, when a Legend Druid summons storm and lightning onto the entire tent, the tent is instantly reduced to wreckage.

At this moment, astonishment is clearly shown on Tracy’s face. With the barely opened box with the tribute in her hands, she looks at us, who suddenly appeared, in surprise.

“Haha, you didn’t expect this, did you? We have been waiting for a long time now, hand over the God Equipment...”

As I walk out gleefully, I set my gaze towards the box and the next moment, I am dumbfounded.

“What’s this! Where is the God Equipment?”

There is nothing that resembles a bottle in the box. That is a white jade sculpture and the shape resembles a banana or an ivory. It looks like a certain something, really alike... The more I look at it, the more it resembles it...

“This is a man-made dildo. This is a special kind of warm jade that simulates the body temperature of humans. Looking at its color and the handicraft, it is definitely a top quality good, the work of a master! This is the rarest of the rare goods. Definitely a God Equipment!”

Okay, I am regretting my decision in bringing Beifeng along. In an instant, he spoke the truth of the matter that we were trying our best to overlook.

“This is the tribute?”

Having her privacy invaded, Tracy nods her head in a daze.

“It is indeed a tool for concubines...” As the pronunciation for concubines and tribute is identical, it isn’t weird that Greed would make such a mistake.

TL: Concubines (gong1 pin2) and Tribute (gong4 pin3)

“Since you all found out, then I will hide it no further. Actually, one of my main goals in staying in the human world is to research adult toys. You all know that we Sirens are mostly females and that we are cold-blooded creatures. We live alone in the sea and it is difficult for us to meet with another of our kind, making the long nights unbearable. Many of our peers have that kind of habit...”

“... Thus, I intend to open the first adult toy shop on the sea. It would probably be welcomed by Sirens, Mermaids, Nagas and other similar kinds of female Seafolks. But, it is a pity that the more deeply I research the intercourse of both genders, the more shallow I realised I was. I felt regretful for my previous shallowness and made up my mind to spend another century here to research this art. Only when I become a master of this art will I open my mobile shop.”

Even though this beautiful lady is speaking completely indecent words, her eyes were filled with passion and her face was filled with the realisation of one seeking the utmost of their path. I instinctively feel that she wasn’t lying, that she really intend to devote her entire life into it.

I finally understand why I instinctively felt close and familiar to this beautiful Siren lady. Isn’t it obvious that this is one of the specialty of Liu Huang Mountain City – Gentlemen (Perverts)?

“It is a pity. Perhaps due to the difference in our races, but why are humans unable to understand our point of view? Whenever they hear me speak of this, they would look at me with a very strange gaze. That fat Count even pestered me to no end. Hmph, to us, tools are only used to dispel loneliness, it is a non-living thing. It is a completely different concept from a companion who would accompany us in life and in death. Sigh, it is really difficult to find a soulmate.”

At this moment, when the Siren laments the world’s lack of understanding in her, that man stood out. On his face is realisation similar to that of Tracy’s.

“This is incredible! This is touching! Partner (Over here, it refers to one who shares the same goals), I can understand it. The art of the intercourse between two sexes is really too complex. Actually, I am also searching for my own path and is unable to find anyone who is able to understand me. I can help you! Testing it personally or whatsoever, leave it to me... AH!”

Alright, everyone can’t stand listening to it anymore. Ignoring the Siren whose face lit up after hearing those words, we began on our daily mission –Beating Beifeng up.

Clutching my head, I am really at a loss for words. The Siren in front of me reminds me of those fellows in Liu Huang Mountain City, making me want to stay as far away from her as possible.

“What about the tribute? The bottle of the Sea God? Isn’t it stolen by the Celestial Tower?”

Tracy shakes her head.

“Back then, they worked together with a local Thief Guild. Un, they used the Thief Guild to conceal their own identity, the ones who did the job were still them. After all, how could a small Thief Guild deal with the envoy party for a powerful country. Afterwards, in compensation, the spoils of the battle were all given to the Thief Guild.”

When realisation struck me, a faint ominous omen looms at the corner of my mind. Often, this is a foreboding sign that I have fallen into a pit.

“What is that Thief Guild called?”

“Blood Press Brother Band? Oh, I remember that their insignia was a bloody handprint, it should called the Blood Hand Brother Band.”

Alright, this name sounds very familiar. The memories of the past felt fresh as though like it just happened yesterday. I felt like I was on the verge of crying. It seems that this time I have reaped what I have sowed, I have worked in vain once again.

“I roughly know where the bottle of the Sea God is. Harloys... Return me the milk bottle that I gave you.”

Yes, after arriving at this city, I used the Blood Hand Brother Band as a target practice for my swordsmanship. Back then, I heard that they have stolen some tribute so I thought that their skills should be up to par. However, I simply ended up sweeping through them easily, even their Guild Master was sliced into two with just a single slash. I didn’t manage to gain much from the experience.

After getting rid of their Guild Master, I saw a box in the secret chamber and there was an antique bottle inside that looks like it could fetch quite a sum. However, the cat that I was rearing wanted me to buy her a milk bottle and personally, she also felt that this bottle had an artistic sense to it, so she just took it and used it.

There were totally no response from the magic tattoos inscribed on it. Who would have thought that it would actually be an ex-God Equipment...

“Meow, no way. A God Equipment bottle suits my palate. If you want it, take out something of equivalent value to trade.”

Just when I was about to rationalise with that darned cat and prepare to snatch it if it goes awry, a ‘ding’ sound echoes. I instinctively shivered. This sound never means anything good.

“Darn it, the System is here to pour salt on my wound again?”

【Cough, you got the correct answer, but there isn’t any reward. Congratulations on successfully recruiting another Gentleman into the Gentlemen Alliance that you built, the beautiful Siren Tracy whose goal in life is to open an adult toy shop. When the Gentlemen (Perverts) in your Gentlemen Alliance reaches 10, you will be rewarded with an Epic Title – The King of Gentlemen. Its effects is definitely powerful.】

【Now, you are just lacking one more member. Please work harder. Actually, there is one just right before you. I recommend Ogre Kavan Dixu who likes brawling with himself. Although his Gentleman level is a little weak, the System will give you a hand and reluctantly qualify him as one.】

【The current 8 members in the Gentlemen Alliance includes: the Shota-fetish female Elf Momo, the eccentric Elf Diana with 3 faiths, Casio who is gradually walking down a twisted path in life, Beifeng (He doesn’t need any description, he is a legend by himself, he is the legendary Beifeng), the Prince Clint who will one day blow a hole through the entire continent, the Krose whose gender is Krose, the Princess Reyne who is into her great grandfather and the Holy Knight Roland who is gradually awakening into a cross-dressing fetish】

“Cross-dressing fetish you head! You are the one with cross-dressing fetish, your whole family have cross-dressing fetish! You are the Gentleman, your whole family are Gentlemen!”

“...This day became known in history as the ‘Bloody Night of the White Whales’.”

TL to ED: Haha, trust me, it sounds cooler in Chinese. Crap, why must they be called White Whales, they sound so cute and fluffy and blubbery and huggable. Damnit.

ED to TL: Narwhals Narwhals swimming in the ocean, causing a commotion, because they are so awesome!

“On the very same day, the Hermit River which was praised as the ‘Flowing Chrysoprase’ was dyed blood-red.”

TL: Chrysoprase is a beautiful green gemstone.

“...he would be able to unite the country even more strongly than any of those fleeting titles could.”

TL: Emperors normally rule by propaganda. He means that he wouldn’t have to rely on propaganda/image building any more.

“...Darsos, you sure know how make people owe you conveniently.”

TL: The exact phrase means Darsos is doing Roland a convenient favor (building up a good reputation for Reyne).

“...I have already said that I am uninterested in men. You want to marry me? Impossible, unless you find an Edwina’s Belt and come to me in a skirt.”

TL: Just like many other characters when they are mad (esp Momo and Harloys), he proclaims himself lao nianghere, which literally means old woman but in China, where age is traditionally equivalent to your social position, he is establishing that he is kind of senior albeit in a very crude way (This phrase is usually used by gangster etc)

Okay, I know I keep repeating this but bear with it, somehow being unable to bring the gangster-ish tone over gets on my nerves.