Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“Silver Coin Squad! Report!”

The gathering here of my new expedition squad was our final preparation before leaving.

“Knight Number One, present!”

Knight Number One was a gray elf Law Knight, who wasn’t wearing heavy and solid metallic armor; instead, the elf was clad in leather armor made from a SemiGod-ranked hydra’s skin. This was far more precious and of more excellent quality than any metallic armor, especially since this SemiGod-level hydra’s skin was something rare and definitely couldn’t be purchased anywhere.

This lighter armor made an excellent pair with any elven warrior. It wouldn’t restrict an elf’s natural dexterity, and its defensive ability against all sorts of slicing and piercing was even stronger than the hardest metal armor.

Its excellent magic resistance properties also far surpassed the element of mercury that was nicknamed as the “King of All Magical Metals.” However, I had to be sparing in its usage; if it weren’t for the fact that SemiGod hydra skin was too difficult to obtain, I would have loved to give such equipment to all of my elite warriors, but...

“Leader, can I wipe off the black dust? Such excellent equipment looks like a secondhand equipment that costs only fifteen silver coins. It was so difficult for me to take it from Momo...”

Yep, the gray elf before me wasn’t that Momo, who lacked any moral integrity. For the sake of my chastity—cough—cough—for the sake of my authority as the squad leader, I ignored that “Mad Dog,” who had strongly requested to go along with me. I had also ignored her comment about how “Momo only wore this for a few days, don’t steal Momo’s treasure! Ah! Stinky Sister Yawen, don’t put it on! Your thick legs and all the fat on your chest will break her.” I chose Captain Yawen, who had just finished the moonlight ritual.

And this wasn’t only due to my bias. Since both Yawen and Momo were Law Knights, Yawen, who was at the peak of Gold rank, was not only more reliable in power level, but her tremendous Dragonslaying Sword, which she was able to use so easily, was definitely a top-level weapon at least of the Legend or Epic rank. When her armor’s defense, magic resistance, and natural magic resistance were all taken into account, she had high DPS as well a high tanking ability. Her only weakness was her somewhat slow speed. Her mind, which had once been swaddled in thoughts about the Holy Light, was both trustworthy and honest. If necessary, she would be my perfect cannon fodder to cover my escape—cough—I meant meat shield.

“Since everybody trusts me and the two Highnesses gave the important task of managing Town Security to me, as the captain of Town Security, how can I possibly let myself be limited by the sunlight? Most importantly, forget about being captain but how can I let myself lose to Momo? I will accept the moonlight ritual to become a gray elf that doesn’t fear the sunlight.”

Yawen gritted her teeth and accepted the moonlight ritual, becoming the representative of a batch of new gray elves within Town Security. The celebratory fact was that after Lorci’s death, the moonlight ritual no longer had so many religious elements to it, greatly decreasing in both risk and pain. After this news spread, many normal dark elves also underwent the moonlight ritual in order to live life on the surface without fear of sunlight.

“It seems that the Moonlight Goddess has a good temper. She didn’t even mind the fact that she got so many false believers. This ritual even takes up a significant amount of her divine power. Does she intend to fight for the Divine Obligation of Salvation? That would mean she’s declaring war against one of the God of Holy Light’s Follower Gods.”

All that stuff aside, Momo’s greatest advantage was gone after Yawen became a gray elf as well. Yep, I definitely didn’t choose someone so honest and easy to bully like Yawen because Momo was too difficult to deal with.

As for the side effects of taking the Town Security head captain with me... hehe, the weather sure was nice today, wasn’t it?

“Number 2! Cohen! Knight... Magical warrior!”

I glanced over at him, causing this pitiful acolyte to immediately turn away. Perhaps, in front of us, he was still nothing more than someone to vent on, but this young knight was already a major and popular personage in Diffindor. His seemingly divine talent in magic helped him gain fame, and as my knight retainer and a good friend of the great engineer Timmy Lade, this young knight, who came from a farmer’s family, had entered the higher-ups of this city. He did not win others’ trust with his status but with his honesty and friendliness.

Perhaps the only incomprehensible part was that even though he mysteriously managed to enter the Silver rank as a mage, he still hadn’t progressed any bit whatsoever as a knight. Not to mention that he always emphasized his status as a retainer knight, but it would only take the mention of one thing before everyone understood.

“Oh, he’s His Highness Roland’s disciple? No wonder.”

“What the hell! Is there no normal person around me...?”

When I first heard about how everyone thought, I had become incredibly angry and immediately tried to counter it. But the more I tried countering, the tinier my voice got. After all, I tried recalling the best I could, and with all the names I remembered, such as Adam, Amelia, Reyne, Glina, and so on, it really didn’t seem like there was a single person who could be termed as normal. I lost my confidence.

“Hmph! It’s definitely not my fault. It’s the fault of that King of All Gentlemen title.”

[I think that it’s simply that birds of a feather flock together. Did you meet many normal people even before you had this title?]

I didn’t even know how I should respond to my System’s retort; it had hit me in such a weak spot. It really seemed like that was the case, as Cohen and Yawen were the few relatively normal individuals out of everyone I knew. Although a dark elf that loved the light and a magical genius who was obsessed about becoming a knight were slightly strange [Slightly?], they were still mostly normal.

By now, all of you probably understand my standards for choosing my companions for this expedition. That’s right: normal people! I had enough of gentlemen as well as incurable chuunibyous! This time, I did my best to pick as many normal people as possible to accompany me and average out the Beifengness of this team!

[If you want to reduce the Beifengness of your team, kick yourself out of it. That’s a better solution than anything.]

“Shut up!”

[If you keep treating me like this, do you believe that I can level you up to the God of all Gentlemen, and multiply your ability to attract gentlemen by ten times?]

Cough—cough—the weather sure was nice today. Let us return to the main topic at hand.

With Harloys teaching him, Cohen’s studies in magic progressed at an astonishing pace. He already had his own unique understanding of being a Four Elemental Swordcaster and had developed numerous unique sword seals and magic sword techniques of his own, well surpassing what he was taught. Even though he was clearly still a novice Silver rank, he already had magic sword techniques surpassing the Gold rank or higher.

As for melee sword techniques and combat prowess? After being taught by several dedicated Sword Saint level instructors, he had probably progressed from “someone who would be sliced half to death while being chased by a skeleton soldier” to “someone who would chase a skeleton soldier and fatigue himself to death.” Well, fine then. There was at least some progress. But since skeleton soldiers were basically at the same level as a farmer, his progress in this area was practically ignorable.

“You bastard! I’ve never seen a swordsman as idiotic as you. With so many Sword Saints teaching you, even a gnome would have evolved into a gnome swordmaster. You can’t even remember the basic correct holding grip for a sword! As expected of Roland’s disciple. There’s such a nice path for you already, but you don’t want to take it, intentionally making things difficult for yourself.”

Alright then. If you ignored the last part there, Adam’s angry scolding was quite reasonable. Still, I was able to understand what young Cohen desired. Back in the day, I had understood everything about sword techniques instantly yet always found myself wanting to fall asleep when reading textbooks about magic, and I was still unsatisfied with being a melee combat class.

“Back in the day, when I was unwilling to become a melee combat class, it was mainly because I felt that all melee classes were cannon fodder, while mages were cool and powerful. As for why Cohen is so resolute about becoming a knight, it’s probably because a knight, to him, represents protection and honor.”

Although I could understand, a normal human’s growth period in the Gold rank typically only lasted for a few years. With Cohen’s outstanding talent in magic, it would be a pity if he wasted it.

“Coming out this time is probably a good chance to gain some practical combat experience that’ll be good for him. If you’re still incapable of becoming a swordsman through this, then obediently be a mage. What’s perfect is that we’re probably going to visit the Mage Country on this trip as well. I can give you a recommendation to the Cloud Tower for you to immediately go and cultivate there.”

As I looked at the young Cohen who had a sad face, I felt like I was looking at a past version of myself. I patted him on the head and then flicked him forcefully as a way of encouraging him. I then focused my attention on the next teammate of mine, who had joined me of their own volition and was someone who I was unable to refuse.

“In that case, I’m Number Three? As for my job class... Dragon Queen? Oh, how about a ranger? My swordsmanship is alright.”

The black-haired beautiful woman was wearing exquisite silver chainmail along with a mercury rapier that was far more decorative than practical. She was just going along because she could conveniently deal with Molly’s request for help, and as for her Dragon City...

“Hehe, the weather sure is nice today.”

Yep, although today was filled with dark clouds, thunder and hail, the weather sure was nice. It seemed that dragons had an excellent understanding of the weather as well; she had an identical opinion as mine from earlier.

“You haven’t even been Dragon Queen for all that long yet. Aren’t you afraid that your bastard subordinates will rebel if you leave?”

“In the Underground World, we’re the largest faction already. If they rebel, who would they join? Wouldn’t they be afraid of our revenge? Besides, as long as they have the ability and courage to rebel, who cares? It’s so boring being Dragon Queen. I can’t do this, I can’t do that, and I have to stay at the Dragon City. It’s even more boring than being in Sulfur Mountain City back in the day. It’s basically like being in jail; who would want to do that? Now that I’m outside, I’m going to drink—er—play as much as I want.”

Should I say that this was as expected of Little Red? This status of being the Dragon Queen that Molly viewed as her own lifeblood was nothing more than chains binding Little Red down. Now that she had escaped after seizing the chance, Dragon City was probably in chaos.

But it was a good thing for me if she came along. After all, we weren’t exactly going out on an adventure, and it was important to have a trump card that could turn the situation around at a critical time. Originally, I had wanted Adam or Margaret to come along, but those two obviously knew that I was looking for people to do some work, so right as I was preparing for this expedition they had vanished, nowhere to be found.

“Hmph, it’s fine if they don’t come as well. Otherwise, I’d only see flashes of light every day. Number Four, who’s Number Four... Oh.”

“Your Highness, why do you suddenly sound so dejected? Did I do something impolite?”

The person before me who was acting so “honest and surprised” was the Legend-ranked archdruid Eaglestorm. I could only helplessly take him along; it was fine for an adventuring party to lack mages or warriors, but it would be nothing more than suicidal to be without a single healer.

After all, nobody could be certain that they would never be injured, poisoned, cursed, or ambushed. Yet because of our current relationship with the Holy Church, it would be quite difficult to find a high-level Holy Priest to heal us.

Although the Church of Law’s job classes were capable fighters, they did lack healing capabilities. All the Holy Light job classes among the Town Security were dark elves, so it wasn’t convenient for them to come along. And, so, I could only helplessly choose the only backup option—the representative of the generalist school, the druids, who were capable of attacking, defending, healing, and casting magic but mediocre at all.

“Number Five, Krose. Your Highness, I shall work my hardest!”

The Judgementor and the windstorm druid Krose came along as well. Wasn’t there a certain saying? Druids, Holy Knights, and shamans all counted as only half a priest each. Since Eaglestorm by himself would obviously be unreliable, I might as well take a few extra people with me.

“Yep, I took two with me since druids can only count as half a priest each. They’re both Legends, even if one is a transformation specialist and the other is a windstorm specialist. They should at least count as one priest if I add them together. I hope...

But the moment I saw how Krose was holding on to two books titled “Introduction to Emergency Treatment: Teaching You How to Tie Bandages in Three Minutes ” as well as ” A Guide to Herbal Medicine That Even a Monkey Can Learn” along with the fact that Eaglestorm had various healing books attached to his waist (all beginning-level), my eyes began twitching. It would appear that I had been expecting too much out of them.

“There’s no helping it. If it comes to it, I’ll do the healing personally. Yep, since I’m a melee specialist Holy Knight, that makes it three healers; we should at least count for 1.5 priests.”

A ridiculously high-level draconic ranger, a genius magical swordsman who basically had almost Gold-rank combat strength, and a Law Knight who could kill and defeat any Legend rank with her racial talent and equipment alone. This was such reliable frontline strength. But, the moment we got to our rear, things instantly seemed much more unreliable.

Yawen and Cohen nervously glanced at these extravagant “Legend-ranked healers.” In the end, they decided against saying “druids are only half a priest when they’re specialists in life magic” and unhesitatingly decided to remain uninjured as much as possible.

As for Little Red, she yawned and immediately began napping. Humans’ normal level of healing wasn’t going to be of much use to her to begin with. Any cardinal-level Holy Light priest would probably run out of mana while attempting to heal her at an extent that wouldn’t even reach her natural recovery rate while sleeping.

“Me, me, there’s also me! I’m a Saint-ranked Beast Tamer. I’m Number Six, aren’t I? Yep, what a lucky number. I’m so fortunate.”

That bastard didn’t pay any attention to the fact that I was doing my best to ignore him; he even did his best to make his presence known. If I had any other choices, I wouldn’t have chosen him.

But the problem was that for an expeditionary squad like ours, the abilities of a veteran beast tamer were far too useful. Scouting in the wild, tracking, prematurely sensing danger, checking for traps, and so on. With a veteran hunter like him on our team, we would be able to make much easier progress outside in foreign environments. After all, our ranger was a non-specialist in ranger techniques who only relied on overwhelming base stats (a certain dragon: hmph.) So, it was practically an absolute requirement for Beifeng to be brought along. Especially because of his beast tamer class’s ability to control and detect beasts, which would be a huge help to my goal.

“You’re forbidden from giving me any trouble, and you’re banned from spreading your mysterious teachings about true love and mental pollution everywhere. You’re also barred from doing anything disgusting in front of me...”

Beifeng kept nodding, but I gave up when I was only halfway through. No matter how good his promises sounded, he would instantly forget them the moment he met some new “true love.”

“I’ll be Number Seven, then. Yep, I’m the Holy Knight... I meant ice and snow archmage!”

I proudly rubbed my snow-white long archmage robes. It wasn’t easy for me to have such a chance to show off, after all. For so long, I had been a melee combat class, but now I finally got to be in the rear.

“It wasn’t easy, being a Holy Knight for so many years. I can finally change my identity. Hmph! From today onwards, please call me archmage Rodrey Vincent... what did I write on my fake ID again? Forget it, it’s too hard to remember if the name is too long. Just call me Rolo.”

I made some fancy movements with my staff and pretended as if I was a physically weak mage who required his staff in order to walk. However, I accidentally used too much force with my staff, causing a large piece of the ground to crack and rock shards to fly everywhere.

“It looks like using top-notch metal to make a mage staff isn’t such a good idea, though I think this will make for an excellent weapon. Yep, whenever some stupid muscleheads rush too close to me, all I have to do is smack them with this. Just imagining it feels great.”

“...Should I start my comments with the mage who can’t even remember his own name he gave himself? With your Intelligence, you might as well just go be a warrior. Or should I be commenting on your mage staff that even an ogre wouldn’t have enough Strength to pick up? Are you simply intending on winning your battles by beating the enemy warriors to death with your mage staff? Or, should I begin by commenting on your little squad’s name? Just who was your language teacher?”

The silly cat’s retorts were getting sharper and sharper. It seemed that she had been getting much practice recently.

“You’re already commenting! Besides, what’s wrong with naming us the Silver Coin Squad?”

“What about the squad’s full name?”

“The Silver Coin and Handsome Man’s Mystical Adventuring Squad. It sounds pretty good to me?”

“Back in the day, your adventuring team was called ‘Gold and Beautiful Women Adventuring Squad,’ which I won’t comment on anymore. After all, you were the team leader, and you said the more mundane a team name was, the easier it would be for people to remember. ‘Don’t all adventurers seek romance and money? This name will move so many people.’ There were also quite a few females in our team, and we were all happy to be praised as beautiful women, so we were fooled by you due to our lack of experience. But do you know just what happened when we told others about our team name? They laughed so hard that they even dropped their weapons they were holding on to. That was the biggest humiliation of my life.”

Since even Little Red was complaining so much, it would appear that she had quite a lot of grievances.

“After a while, apart from you, who else would call our adventuring team by its real name? In the end, all of our personal reputations far exceeded that of our team’s reputation. Just a while ago, an idiot even asked me about the name of our adventuring team in the past, wanting to learn information about our adventures before. I sent that idiot flying with a single slap. Everyone else thought that I had a bad temper, but the real reason is your ridiculous naming sense. Is such a name something I can say out loud? I still want my reputation to remain intact.”

Little Red continued with her complaints, while a certain silly cat laughed continuously as she listened and even worked hard at adding fuel to the fire.

“But now take a look at the team names. From ‘Gold and Beautiful Women,’ all you did was turn Gold into Silver and change Beautiful Women into Handsome Man? Your naming ability probably reaches a heavenly scale.”

I fell silent, but that silly cat still didn’t know what was good for her as she continued making me angry.

“Handsome Man Squad? As expected of a name from you. Could it be that you want to be called the Handsome Squad Leader? Hahaha, your Princess Peach form must have given you a lot of pressure. Do you want to be called handsome that badly?”

I was so angry that my veins were bulging as I grit my teeth and commanded that silly cat with our magical pet contract.

“Now I know what our team is lacking. It would seem that we’re missing a cannon fodder thief class whose profession is to step on all the traps for us in order to disarm them. Yep, the best choice for a thief is a cat person class. Number Eight, Harloys, come. As the squad leader, I’ve even prepared a thief outfit for you. Why don’t you put it on?”

“Wait a moment, did you just say cannon fodder? Also, what are these? Cat ears and a cat tail? Just where is the tail supposed to be inserted? And there’s actually such a pink armor? Ahh, you pervert! Why do you have such things with you!”

“They were leftovers from our spies’ investigation into the Beastman tribes. Harloys, don’t even think about changing the topic or escaping. Obediently put this on for me!”

“...Could it be that you were using them? You’re such a huge pervert! Don’t even think about it!”