Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

While the police always arrived late in movies so the heroes and villains could have epic battles, reality was naturally different. The perfect timing of these Dragon Knights was a symptom of deeper problems.

“Did you bastards have fun watching the show?”

The black-haired Dragon Knight before me was quite young; he appeared to be only fifteen or sixteen years old, his face dotted with youthful acne. Judging from his obvious awkwardness—he was blushing shyly—he was no veteran capable of lying with a straight face.

“I actually became a lure! They dared to use me to draw out the big fish!”

That was the first thought I had when I saw how the Dragon Knights “just happened” to arrive right after my battle with the undead.

There was plenty of evidence to back up my way of thinking. For instance, five Dragon Knights directly flew above me, chasing down the escaping undead, while only the weakest Dragon Knight among them was left behind to talk to me despite the fact he wasn’t even an adult. It only took two simple verbal traps for this youngster to leak plenty of information.

Actually, I didn’t need to ask a youngster like him anything—I would already know as everything that happened today was far too coincidental.

I refused to believe that Orloss had such weak control over his own capital city, one he resided in. Nor did I believe that he would easily let slip a secret like the existence of Aso’s potion.

Since the information had been leaked so quickly to the undead, it was most likely intentional on Orloss’s part. He must have leaked the fact that I possessed the knowledge to create Aso’s potion, which would activate an Undead Calamity, to an undead spy that was already unknowingly exposed! He then took advantage of those undead, knowing they would ambush me.

For the undead that remained hidden in the Bardi capital, they’d profit tremendously no matter if they killed me or obtained the recipe for Aso’s potion from me. In their minds, this was an inescapable lure, where the promised returns far outweighed any potential risks.

Even though the undead must have clearly known that this was likely to be a trap, they felt that as long as they could overcome the trap, they would profit massively in the end. And so they unhesitatingly fell for Orloss’s trap; hook, line, and sinker.

What if I died? In that case, nobody would be threatening the Bardi Empire with an Undead Calamity anymore. That would be excellent, of course.

“Orloss profited with no risk to him at all.”

As for the Dragon Knights that arrived with such perfect timing, all they needed to do was watch our fight from far up above and wait for me and the undead to inflict great injuries to each other before showing up as the third party who benefited in the end. Of course, if I won, they would come over and support me. Should I say that it was to be expected of Orloss’s reputation as a sly old fox, to have thought up such a no-risk, profitable trap and completed all the preparations in the less than two hours since he found out about me possessing Aso’s potion?

“...We were taken advantage of.”

I released Glina from Frigidwinter Earth. Even though I didn’t tell her anything, she, too, saw through this messy scheme. However, she wasn’t in that great of a mood—her combat strength was insufficient, and had she participated in the fight, she’d have only been a burden to me.

“Rest assured, I’ll make that old Orloss spit up everything he owes us. Don’t think too much into things. You’re still young.”

I patted her on the head and looked off into the distance. Although the few remaining undead had escaped, things here weren’t finished yet.

Right in front of that young Dragon Knight I casually tossed the unconscious Snake Archduchess into my Frigidwinter Earth. Combat spoils like her might be of assistance in unearthing the remaining undead left hidden in Bardi—why would I give her over to the Bardi Empire?

Besides, there weren’t just undead corpses in this area. Numerous human assassins who had attacked me earlier and the few survivors who’d been encircled by the undead when they tried escaping lay dead here. None of them had managed to run past the undead. The extremely few human assassins who survived could be considered incredibly fortunate.

Well, as for these living assassins who had been sent over to kill me, perhaps it was at the command of some prince. I decided to leave them to the Bardi Empire.

Just as I was about to proceed to the royal palace to have a reckoning with the sly old fox, Glina tugged my sleeve and pointed at a nearby tree.

“...It seems we won’t need to go looking for Beck’s oldest daughter.”

Indeed—wasn’t there a dark-skinned Half Elf assassin trembling on that tree? She was concealed with the assistance of irregular shadows. Had it not been for Glina’s demon eye, it would have been almost impossible to notice her presence. She must have used a Dark Elf racial talent to survive the dangers just now.

“...She must have joined Prince Mills’ faction. Since you know my secret, I must now kill you... so that nobody will know my secret.”

As I said this, I brought the power of Holy Light into my eyes and glared at her. My eyes flashed brightly with killing intent. I looked really cool doing that, didn’t I?

“Don’t scare her! See, she’s already fainted.”

“...I’m already regretting it. It seems she peed herself. Tsk — tsk — tsk —her pee is dripping down the tree. Her bratty younger sister is definitely going to complain to me afterwards. Glina, can you do something for me?”

“You want me to carry her? Don’t even think about it. Her pee will get my Clint mecha dirty.”

“No, I just want you to help change her underwear. Here, this set should fit her.”

“...Could you please first explain why you’re carrying female underwear on you? Could it be that the legendary Princess Peach—”

“Stop! It’s nothing to talk about; it’s all trouble from my younger days—hey—hey—I’m really not a pervert! There’s no need to run away from me! Your attitude makes your grandfather sad!”

******

“I, the ambassador of Mage Country, came under an assassination attempt right in front of the embassy hotel. I have received much physical and mental trauma. Not only that, your country’s security arrived so late—I suspect they did so intentionally! This is inexcusable! This is a personal affront, I say, to my dignity! This is an insult to the entire Mage Country!”

No matter how ridiculously I acted before him, the elderly Orloss would smile back at me in a friendly manner. He seemed intent on playing the role of kind mascot. However, due to my overt rudeness, his diplomatic officials and personal knights all had furious expressions on their faces.

It was deep into the night, but the glorious meeting hall was well lit. From the bloodshot eyes of all the meeting participants, the fact that dirty footprints dotted the floor and the teacups, which had been refilled countless times, perhaps the meetings here had been continuing for a long while without adjourning and giving these people a chance to rest.

This was indeed the case, in fact. Right after the previous ambassadorial meeting with Orloss, news arrived that Prince Mills had been assassinated, causing an emergency meeting to convene. Before this meeting even finished, a sudden visitor (Copper Dragon Evelyn) met with Orloss, and then Orloss returned to continue the meeting. However, this time, he focused the meeting on all sorts of emergency plans and preparations, even mentioning possible war.

It could be said that the officials under Orloss had been hard at work for fourteen consecutive hours. And this work was of the highest level, critical priority tasks. They were tense to the point of having fully bloodshot eyes. When they discovered that their troubles appeared to be my fault, of course they would be displeased with me.

In their minds, my subordinates had earlier in the day killed the relatively popular and well-respected Prince Mills. Although I was viewed as the criminal, I was actually the one who first complained of a crime against me and was even being disrespectful to their emperor. It must be remembered that this was a feudal generation—a king meant more than anything to a knight’s honor. This was one of the greatest possible insults.

“...Hey, shouldn’t you at least react a little after I said so much, old man? Do you think I’m a little white rabbit who will take everything lying down!?”

“Utterly disrespectful! Do you know who you’re talking to!? You are in front of the Lord of the Carsian People, the guardian of the Manfu Mountains, Great Emperor Orloss of the Bardi Empire...”

One thing in common between great personages was that they would have a scary amount of titles. Every one of their titles could be considered part of their authority, especially in the eyes of novices. However, against a veteran like me, such a tactic of intimidation with titles was useless.

” Cough— well, you are in front of the God Envoy of the God of Law, the Sword Guardian of the Northlands, the Last Descendant of the Mist, the favored Child of Light, the Truth Symposium Overseer of the Mage Country, the Destructor of Eternal Night, the Undying...”

Glina gave out a long series of my titles, and she seemed to be quite good at this. Wasn’t it simply a competition of titles? Who would be afraid of that?

“Who are you supposed to be? Is this a place for you to speak up? You’re a diplomat from the Mage Country? What a ridiculous little girl!”

A goatee-bearded official stood up and roared angrily. If I recalled correctly, this person was the prime minister of the Bardi Empire, and his name was Carlo.

This was indeed a good move by him. In diplomacy, one couldn’t afford to lose out on presence, and it would be smart to pick on the weak. Yet he was completely wrong when he perceived Glina to be nothing more than a “young female servant.”

” Cough —you are in front of the Queen of the Sleuweir Kingdom. She is the acting ambassador of the Mist Alliance with, I must say, full authority. I strongly protest the insult you made to our Queen. I also request that you, Carlo, immediately apologize. Also, our Mist Alliance’s Sleuweir Queen came under attack right when she arrived in your country. I demand an explanation!”

This time, I got the chance to act cool.

The officials present were astonished but soon understood. My background was no secret, so considering my relationship with the Northlands, the Sleuweir Queen’s sudden arrival could be considered explainable.

And my request was a reasonable one. For a civil official to shout angrily at a country’s queen in such a formal diplomatic setting was a severe breach of diplomatic etiquette. Asking for only an apology was already restrained.

Of course, there was also the issue of pressure from a more powerful country. There were plenty of examples of powerful countries pressuring less powerful ones and breaching etiquette. At the moment, however, Emperor Orloss was right in front of Carlo. Carlo was merely a civil official under Orloss, so how would he possibly dare to decide on behalf of his emperor?

Yet apologizing would obviously weaken Bardi’s position and negotiations. In such subtle situations, intangible factors were also important.

But not apologizing would cause severe diplomatic consequences. After some hesitation, right when Carlo decided he would prostrate himself and ask for forgiveness, Orloss finally spoke up after acting as a wallflower all this time.

“Your Highness Roland, let’s just discuss things directly. What exactly do you wish for?”

“Compensation! Compensation for the mental trauma I suffered! It would be too base to ask for money, so how about giving me a few dozen Dragon Knights? If that’s not possible, I’ll also accept the full information on Bardi’s specialty job classes of Dragon Berserkers and Dragon Shield Guardians.”

Just like how the Auland Empire had the elite White Wolf Knights and East Mist had Aurora Knights and Avalanche Guardians, Bardi also had their own ace troop type that could be mass produced. Dragon Berserkers were slaughter machines rumored to possess strength at the peak of Silver rank on average. Dragon Shield Guardians were rumored to be experts in defense capable of parrying Sword Saints’ attacks. The relevant information on these two troop types would obviously be considered Bardi’s national treasures—how could they possibly give out this information so freely?

“You bandit!”

“How could you dare...!”

Demanding such a ridiculous amount would obviously make others hate me. At this moment, furious shouting and scolding from the officials filled my ears. I simply pretended not to hear them.

Of course, I knew they would never pay me with such important treasures. It would be even more impossible for them to actually give me Dragon Knights. Still, wasn’t negotiation just like streetside haggling? Even if I knew you wouldn’t accept, I would first try to buy something from you for only half the written price to test you out. Once both sides learned roughly what each side was willing to accept, only then would the real negotiating begin.

But, very unexpectedly, Orloss smiled and nodded.

“That’s all you want? Sure, I’ll give all that to you in compensation.”