Novel Bin Volume 5, 7: What You and I Lack Part 3
Volume 5, Chapter 7: What You and I Lack Part 3
Roughly an hour has passed since Sudou-kun left. If the programme has progressed smoothly then they should be on the cusp of the final contest right about now. The hole left behind by Sudou-kun isn\'t small by any measure. I can imagine Hirata-kun and the others putting up a good fight but I can\'t expect much in the way of results.
The powerless me could not do anything except aimlessly and dumbfoundedly stand around.
All I could do was to keep standing in front of that elevator. Even if I\'m told to go back to our camp and withdraw, I lack the ability to pay the points necessary for a substitute. The points I have on hand will later be confiscated by Ryuuen-kun. In other words, I cannot pay for the student who will be participating on my behalf. I\'d only be a powerless existence even if I were to go back.
But that\'s not the only reason why I cannot afford to leave this place.
Even if I only left briefly, were Sudou-kun to come back in that period, he\'d surely be crestfallen. Besides, in spite of the fact that Class D\'s defeat is all but certain, I thought I\'d like to do what I can.
I believe Sudou-kun will come back.
That\'s all there is to it.
And then, that feeling paid off.
"You...did you seriously stick around?".
"You finally came back, Sudou-kun".
I maintained my composure but deep down inside, I was happy.
To the point I spontaneously called out when I saw the figure of Sudou-kun in the elevator.
I\'m truly grateful there are cameras monitoring the interior of the elevator. Because I was able to gain time to calm myself.
"Isn\'t it already over? The sports festival, I mean".
"That may be so. But if we go back now, we may still be in time for some contest".
"What\'s the point? Even if we participate in something like that, we may as well have already lost".
"Certainly a disastrous outcome beyond our expectations may be waiting for Class D. I had to withdraw thanks to my injury and Kouenji-kun was absent from the start. And Sudou-kun also withdrew halfway through it. Our classmates too, compared to the other classes, don\'t have much of a shot at winning".
The Recommended Only Participation events I wanted to tackle in hopes of turning the situation around would surely prove to be a disaster too.
"Since you\'ve come all the way back here, I assume this means you feel like going back to the competition?".
"Nah. I just came here to check if you\'re still here or not.....".
"That\'s right. I\'ve been sorting out various thoughts in my head while waiting an hour for you. What kind of person I am, what kind of person you are. I\'ve been rethinking it. After all, you and I are similar".
Once alone, I had calmed myself and finally I feel like I\'ve arrived at a clear answer.
"We have nothing in common. You and I are just too different".
"No. You and I are similar. The more I think about it, the more I feel that way".
This isn\'t a lie. These are words from the bottom of my heart.
"Always alone. Always lonely. But you believed you could do it and carried on that way. If there is a difference between us, it would be that the acknowledgement we crave either derives from a single person or from a group of people. I\'ve told you about the student council president before so you know about it right?".
"Yeah. That guy who\'s always putting on airs right? Looks like quite a guy".
"He\'s my older brother".
"...ahh?.....speaking of which, you said something about having quarreled with him....right?".
As Sudou-kun starts thinking back on it, I began speaking about my brother with Sudou-kun as though I were monologuing.
"Our sibling relationship is far from being a pleasant one. The reason behind that is my lack of talent. My outstanding brother dislikes being associated with someone as incompetent as me. That\'s why I tried my best to become someone talented. In both studies and sports. Even now".
"W-Wait a minute. Aren\'t you smart and good at sports too?".
"From an average person\'s perspective maybe. But from my brother\'s perspective, all this is nothing special. Merely what is normally expected".
In all likelihood, Nii-san reached my current level when he was either in his 1st or 2nd year of middle school. Or it could have been even earlier than that.
"That\'s why I ran, in order to catch up to my brother, without facing anyone around me. As a result, I was always alone. Whenever I looked back, I always saw that nobody had followed me. I had thought that was just fine. Because I believed as long as I am talented, then eventually my brother would acknowledge me. Even during this sports festival, I\'ve been thinking according to a very calculative mindset. That if I participate in a lot of contests and produce results, then even my brother would stop to look at me. That\'s also the sole reason why I said that I wanted to be the anchor during the relay. Because I had a fleeting hope that if I do so, he might call out to me or cheer for me. For the sake of the class, or for my own sake, deep down inside things like that were of secondary concern".
By confronting Sudou-kun\'s weakness, I also succeeded in confronting my own weakness.
"Does he really not acknowledge you? Even though you\'re trying this hard".
"Yes. Not one bit. But I finally realize now. I\'m not talented at all. During this sports festival, I was beaten here and there all just as Ryuuen-kun had intended and I wasn\'t able to leave behind a single satisfactory result. There\'s no way my brother would acknowledge someone like me. The reason I\'m aiming for Class A is so that my brother would acknowledge me. That hasn\'t changed. But I have realized the methods I\'ve been using to achieve that are wrong. I\'m not alone. That for the first time, by having allies, I may be able to get closer to that peak".
"Aren\'t you going to give up?".
"If there is a difference between us, that might be it. I will never give up. I\'ll work hard to be acknowledged by my brother, to become someone who isn\'t a disgrace".
"It\'ll be painful, for someone walking that path.....".
"I suppose so. If you\'re the only person in the world then you\'d surely be at peace without having to suffer. But it\'s no use thinking about such things. Because we aren\'t alone in this world. There are billions of people in the world and even around us, there are plenty of people. We can\'t possibly ignore them".
A person cannot survive alone. They must walk that path with someone else.
This sports festival has proved to be a trial for Class D and yet it\'s become something to be thankful for.
"I said that you\'d continue to act violent. And so I turned my back on you. But that wasn\'t the case. That wasn\'t the right answer. If it ever seems like you\'ll stray from your path again, I\'ll be there to pull you back onto it. That\'s why until we graduate, please lend me your strength. I too, promise to lend you my strength to the best of my ability".
I stared at his eyes. I looked without averting my eyes. Because I wanted him to accept my resolve.
"Until just a while ago, this wasn\'t the case......why do your words have so much weight now?".
"It might be because I\'ve honestly admitted the truth. The truth is.....that I\'m a pathetic person and I\'ve only been averting my eyes from that fact".
I can\'t flaunt this fact to others. But if it\'s someone who\'s the same as me, then that\'s a different story.
"I\'ll say this again, Sudou Ken-kun. Lend me your strength".
"Horikita......".
Sudou-kun balled his hands into fists forcefully and hit himself on the forehead with them.
"Ahh.....what the hell is this feeling? I don\'t know but I feel like my eyes are finally open.....".
He said so as he took a step towards me.
"I\'ll cooperate with you, Horikita. I.....I feel like my existence outside of basketball has been acknowledged for the first time. That\'s why I want to reply to those feelings of yours".
I could feel myself beaming with a natural smile towards those words of his. A feeling I\'ve felt for the first time. I wonder what this throbbing in my chest is. The only thing I could tell is that it isn\'t something like friendship or love.
Something separate from those.....that\'s right, embarrassingly enough I now have someone I could call a comrade.
Different from both Ayanokouji-kun and my brother.
What I lack. Something I surely am in shortage of. However, I wonder if I\'ve taken that small first step.